derrida, derrida, let me come in!

so i made the mistake of treating myself to an early afternoon movie before coming in to talk about the film and derrida himself. i choose to see pan's labyrinth. wrong choice before having to come in and focus on post-structuralism and the way derrida handled himself while on film. it's going to take me some time before i can actually make sense of my response to derrida...

though derrida didn't oppose the interview process, nor the film itself, he surely had strong feelings about the affect of film and his portrayal on film. whether through pictures or movies, derrida talks about the anxiety over this "narcissistic horror". derrida comes right out and says it: he doesn't like looking at his face. to look at the image of his face is to look at it as not being there. it's to acknowledge it's death. to look at a photograph of someone is to acknowledge that they are being supplemented by something else that is not them... to look at a photograph of someone is to bring up memories and emotions regarding the person in the photograph, though this person is no longer because whether or not they are actually dead, who they are in the photograph is and we are reminded that they will die. derrida, like most of us, doesn't necessarily enjoy thinking about himself as being dead...

derrida notes in the film that the documentary isn't about him at all. rather, it's the autobiography of the filmmaker. as soon as he mentions this, it made sense. the movie is not purely him, and for someone else to make a movie purely about him would be impossible. the interviewer poses the questions. although derrida is quite forward about what he will and will not answer and chooses to speak when he wants to, he is still answering someone else's questions. without the film maker, derrida wouldn't have questions to answer. without derrida, the film maker wouldn't have a movie. what if derrida asked himself some questions in front of a video camera? he'd be taking on the role of a interviewer while being the interviewed and in doing so he would screw up who he is at pure.

so there really is no film about derrida. that would be impossible. and me? i'm getting carried about and possibly a little silly. forgive me. i just spent the past two hours watching a completely tortured twelve year old who escapes her harsh reality during fascist fun time in spain by experiencing this fantasy land that you really, really want to exist just so she can catch a break. unlike the dead fairies. check back in with me... i might have to go see it again and do a marxist, psycho-analytical, and feminist critique of it.

back to derrida! anyway, so the other point that he really drives home about how the film is not his, nor is it about him, is the editing process. he's right... the film maker chooses what gets made into an eighty minute movie out of months and months worth of footage. that is not capturing derrida at pure.

i'm going to think some more about derrida's thoughts on forgiveness and reconciliation. i think i have a lot to say about that.